Revenge of a Crazy Person and her Lapdog
by tearseternal
Summary: Two friends have met their obsessions. Oh dear god... The fate of the world now hangs in a dangerous balance. Very funny and random. HOUSE, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, ARTEMIS FOWL, HARRY POTTER, and more to come.
1. Intimidating Voices

REVENGE OF A CRAZY PERSON AND HER LAPDOG

A/N: Hello, I'm Alli and welcome to my first ever story inspired by my bombestest friend/ beta (and lapdog) Jessica! (aka tehe-61).

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Mikyla. Jess owns herself (at least I _hope_ so. You never know these days)

* * *

Mikyla dropped into a fluffy chair, one of the few that littered her bedroom suite. What a day it had been, and she was ready to drop. Today marked the end of exams, and her first day of freedom. Also known as summer. Flopped down face first on the floor next to her was her faithful lapdog Jessica, also known as the girl who lived next door, also known as Mikyla's best friend. She patted Jessica's head, said something about catching up on beauty sleep (as if) and closed her eyes.

And she dropped into the worst scene her eyes could imagine... Mikyla was staring into the face of evil itself, thats right, the face of Hermione Granger. That's right folks, Hermy-one Granger, that coniving little tramp who had been trying to steal Harry from the deserving since the very first year. And Mikyla was in the same room as her. Just as she was about to lunge at her, Jessica cought her arm.

'Now come on Mikyla, that's no way to get back at the devil. We do that sneaky, and so that she won't know who to hex when it happens.' Jess said.

'I suppose you're right, but don't expect me to like it.'

Jess just sighed and went back to filing her nails (even though she had no nails to file).

'What are we doing here anyways?' Mikyla asked her filing friend

'Oh, you know, just looking around.'

'But how did we get here?'

'How do you expect me to know?'

'Well I kinda figured you the all-knowing would know,  
since you know everything'

'I do, just not this.'

'oh I give up, I'll just go ask that thing over there why we're all here.'

Mikyla walked over to a lumpy looking object, poking it with a stick as she got closer. When it sat up suddenly, she jumped backwards, and then forwards again to poke it. This pattern continued for many minutes, until a sudden commotion at the door to the room distracted the girl.

An intimidating figure stepped into the room. A great voiced boomed out, 'YOU ARE THE CHOSEN. YOU ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN PICKED BY THE WORLD TO LOVE, AND YOU ARE THOSE THAT MUST DECIDE THE FATE OF THE WORLD.'

Mikyla looked around the room, noticing for the first time all the other people. In groups stood the great, and the not so great. In one corner stood the cast of House M.D., in another stood the characters from Pirates of the Carribean. Also included in the menagerie was Artimis Fowl and his loyal followers, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, other assorted wizards, and she-who-we-shall-speak-not-of. All around Mikyla and Jess were those they had read about, and those they had watched on tv.

But why were they there?

* * *

A/N: Well? Did you like it? I originally wasn't going to put it on fanfiction but Jess kept bugging me. Actually I didn't put this up to start with. Jess just found out my password and did it herself. So let's just blame it on the french and snow mexicans... damn them...


	2. Evil Plastic Bubbles

**Evil Plastic Bubbles**

* * *

Mikyla and Jessica walked out of the room in a daze. I mean, who wouldn't after what they had just heard? Not only was the world in serious trouble, but the fate of humanity was in the hands of... the characters of the world's favorite shows and books!

The only question was, why were Mikyla and Jessica there? Although they had asked many times, they had been ignored. In fact, no one would even look at them. It was like they had the plague, or like they were those girls in horror movie's that everyone knows are going to die.

But they didn't mind in the least. They were beside themselves with glee. Not over the world possibly about to end, but about the being surrounded by THE PEOPLE thing. Multiple times Mikyla approached one of them, but they would run away when she got near, and then, when she finally got one of them to look at her, they got really wide eyes and gasped, then started whispering with anyone around them.

"Thats wierd..." Mikyla commented to her Jessica, who was currently shining her shoes on Hagrid's cloak.

"What's wierd?" She huffed. "The fact that all of these people who we adore and admire are totally ignoring us?"

Mikyla edged away a little from the increasingly pissed of lapdog "Well, I guess that _is_ a little wierd, but I was more talking about the fact that only parts of the casts are here. I mean, we're missing Cameron, Foreman and Cuddy from House, a whole bunch of people from Hogwarts, although strangely, Fleur de whatshername is here. Plus, Tia Dalma isn't here from Pirates of the Carribean. I mean what is a movie without Tia Dalma?"

Jessica dropped her pissed of face and just shook her head sadly. In an effort to cheer herself and Mikyla up she said, "Come on. Let's go see if it's true that Ronald really wears a thong." Mikyla's face brightened. The possibilaty of blackmail was to good to tempting to resist.

They linked arms and started to the munchkin walk down the yellow brick road that had randomly appeared in thier path. As they started on their way they realized they were walking towards a large plastic bubble. Like a bubble made from bubble wrap, except blown up so it was like 12 stories tall.

Miklya immediatly stopped in her tracks and started to shake with rage. "Now what exactly IS the purpose of a giant plastic bubble? Because I for one haven't seen or heard of anyone around here who has an imunity deficiancy, and that is the only possible reason that I could think of for a GIANT PLASTIC BUBBLE."

Over the duration of this sentence, Mikyla's voice got steadily louder, until she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Everyone was looking at her, and it was obvious she was about to blow. Everybody in the immediate area around her quickly got out their earplugs, thoughtfully supplied by the intimidating figure with the booming voice. But, instead of screaming, as they all thought she would, Mikyla kind of deflated, and was her happy self once more. She saw her heros finally looking right at her, and she smiled.

"I knew they liked me" she told her mitten, which she had made into a rabbit for the express purpose of telling it this bit of news.

Jessica walked up behind her, and, reaching in front of her snatched the bunny from her hand. Of course the effect was immediate, and Mikyla started to cry. Jessica meanwhile was playing with her newly acquired bunny. It was then that Hermione walked up to them, rapping them each on the side of the head.

"This is not a laughing matter you two, your jobs are incredibly important to our mission, and I for one won't have you messing it up!" and with that she walked away.

"Now I remember why I hate her so much" Mikyla said, with a note of nostalgia, "Now what is this mission she was talking about?"

And it was then that she remembered that they hadn't exactly kept listening after the strange voice had said that they must decide the fate of the world. And hence, they had no clue what was going on.

* * *

A/N: Now you would make me ever so happy if you would leave me a lovely reveiw to keep my slipping to the dark side... not that its a bad place...


	3. Bosses, Sex Gods and Bunnys

Bosses, Sex Gods and Bunnys

A/N: Wow! I'm getting better at this writing thing. In this chapter we finally have some good interaction with our heroes and their heroes.

* * *

"I won't do it," Mikyla yelled at the cowering figure in front of her, "how can you expect me to ask that THING for help?"

"Easy," Jessica piped up "you just walk up, and say 'Excuse me, but I was incredibly stupid, and instead of listening to what was being said I was staring at all the people, and therefore I have no clue what my very important part is, so could you explain it for me?"

"Yeah, yeah, easy as that, but THAT is asking the she-devil for help!"

"Come on Mikyla, think reasonably, she's the only one who's talked to us ALL day, is it really going to hurt you to ask her for help?"

"Yes and why can't you do it, it was your idea to begin with!"

"Well the answer is obvious, somebody has to stay with the bunny, and seeing as he's mine, I should stay, I wouldn't want him getting lonely."

Mikyla could think of nothing to say, and when she realized this, she started to cry. Jessica, thinking that Mikyla was just trying to make her feel sorry for her, pushed her forwards towards the close knit group of Hogwarters.

"Umm, excuse me?" Mikyla said as she neared the group

"What do you want Muggle?" a silky voice replied from the center of the group. And with these words, out of the group stepped the sex god himself, Draco Malfoy.

"Oh dear" Mikyla said to herself, "What am I going to do, how can I admit how stupid I am in front of him, I can't let him know that I'm not perfect, what'll he think of me then?"

"Hey! Who are you calling 'muggles'?"

Mikyla spun around to face her Jessy (and Frank) who was charging at them.

Not at all that surprised to find her friend running towards them as though on a warpath she said, "I thought you were going to stay with the bunny."

Jessy paused as if she was momentarily thrown off, "Well ya... but he called us muggles!"

"Jessy, I hate to tell you this, but we are muggles."

She scoffed. "Maybe you are but I can do one hell of a good card trick!"

Draco who was watching this whole exchange couldn't help but smirk. "A card trick?"

Jessy left eye started to twitch rapidly. "Ya, and I can also make your fingers disappear! Wanna see?"

Mikyla grabbed Jessys arm while whispering in her ear. "Calm down, this is a sex god we're talking to."

Completely oblivious to Mikylas, oh so subtle attempt to get her to lower her voice, Jessy yelled, "YES, I KNOW HE IS INCREDIBLY SEXY, BUT THAT DOESN"T GIVE HIM THE RIGHT TO CALL US MUGGLES!"

A shocked silence ensued in which the only motion was Jessys still rapidly twitching eye.

Seeing that everyone was at least partially stunned, Ron came to the rescue, snapping everyone out of the spell they was under.

"Did you want something Mikyla?"

"Oh, yeah, right, um, Hermione, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, go right ahead."

"I mean in PRIVATE" Mikyla replied with venom.

"Well, I suppose..."

Hermione followed a skittish Mikyla across the lawn until they were out of earshot of the Hogwarters, the other cast groups, and Jessy who was now sobbing dramatically with Frank.

"OKIreallydidn'twanttoaskyouforhelpbutJessicamademe,andcanyoupleasetellmeexactlywhatisgoingonbecausewehavenocluewhatisgoingon,andifwehaveanimportantrole,wereallyneedtoknow." And with these words, Mikyla promptly passed out, I mean really, could you say all that in one breath?

Hermione didn't bother calling for help, or trying to revive the girl, who was now lying on the ground in front of her. Instead she stared at her, wondering what Draco, and Harry and Ron and pretty much every other guy in their group, saw in this girl, that had made them talk about her constantly after they had first seen her picture, when they were deciding who to bring in for the "special" role.

When Mikyla came to, Hermione was sitting beside her, chewing on a handful of grass she'd shoved in her mouth seconds before.

"Are you awake?" She asked through her mouthful of grass. "Good, because I have some things to tell you. First of all, your "role" as you put it, is to communicate to the rest of the world what is happening, we, us being the characters and all that, picked you by vote, oddly enough, you won, although I don't know why. I voted for the president, but all the guys wanted a girl, so, here we are."

"Well, that's good," replied a still groggy Mikyla, "because I thought maybe you were going to sacrifice me or something. So, can I ask, why is everyone avoiding me and Jessy?"

"Well, you see, Boss, told us that if you two were hurt in any way, he would personally rip us into a million pieces after he also saw to it that we were roasted alive. So, everyone is afraid to talk to you and possibly give you pain, because we value our bodies in one piece and we do not wish to become shish-kabobs."

"Oh, well that makes sense, but we wouldn't let "Boss" rip you in a million pieces for talking to us, and besides, we get lonely with just me and Jess and Frank, our pet rabbit-mitten."

"Well, then tell the others yourself, because I'm not going to, I don't care if you have people to talk to or not."

And with this, she walked away, rejoining the huddle of Hogwarters.

Mikyla wandered back over to Jessica.

"Good news, we are not going to be sacrificed," Jessica let out a sigh of relief, and Mikyla continued, "Bad news, Hermione seems to be a real person."

* * *

A/N: Come on review people! I'm getting sad all by my lonesome... Hurrah to the official apearence of the sex god. All Hail Draco! 


	4. Boss

Boss

A/N: Ok everybody, more interaction this chapter, and things are starting to get interesting, sorry for the wait, I was suffering from minor writer's block.

* * *

"Ok," Jessica started after Mikyla had told her the whole story, including her encounter with sex god Draco, "I understand all of it … except for the whole "Boss" thing, I mean who is he?"

"Well how should I know? …… I know, let's go ask somebody!"

"Who, who shall we ask!?! And can Frank come to, he feels left out."

"I decree we shall ask… Wilson, from the cast of House! Man I love that guy, in a totally non-sexual never ever want to rip his clothes off kind of way, and yes Frank, you can come too."

At these words, Frank started jumping up and down excitedly, a dangerous feat seeing as he was attached to Jessica's shoulder with a safety pin.

The two girls (and Frank) began scanning the crowd around the bubble for the cast of House. It was Frank who finally spotted them, huddled against the side of the plastic bubble, as if they were afraid of the sun.

As they got closer, Mikyla noticed a vital fact, House was NOT with them. She pointed this out to Frank and Jessica, but they didn't seem to think this was that big a deal, they weren't as obsessed as Mikyla.

They stopped a few feet away from the group and went over the plan once more, then Mikyla stepped up to the cast of her favourite show.

She walked right to Dr. Wilson, "Pardon me for the intrusion sir, but you are under arrest for possession of illegal substances including sodium and opiates, would you please step over here."

"I have no clue what you're talking about" Wilson said nervously. Obviously he really was in possession of something illegal.

"I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to come with me"

Wilson followed Mikyla back to where Jessica was waiting.

"Okay sir, we're going to have to ask you a few questions before we can release you back into the custody of those people waiting for you over there." Without waiting for so much as a nod of assent, Mikyla continued right into her questions. "First, do you know some one who goes by the name Boss? We were tipped off about him by a bunch of Gryffindors. And secondly, where is your friend Dr. House, he is wanted for questioning by the SUTC, also known as the Society of Underage Teens of Canada."

"Those are pretty much the same question you know." Dr. Wilson replied.

"What do you mean the same question?" demanded an irritated Mikyla.

"Well you see, when this whole thing started, we needed some one to rally around, and the only one willing to take up the post was my, as you put it, 'friend' Dr. House. Of course, being the pompous ass he is, he decided that everyone had to call him Boss, and he's made a bunch of ridiculous rules, such as that he gets to live in the plastic bubble, while the rest of us have to sleep outside, even though there're enough rooms inside for all of us. Now, about these drugs, they aren't mine, I'm just holding them for a friend. And the sodium is for my french fries at lunch."

"Right then," Mikyla replied with a faintly confused look at Jessica and Frank who were at this point making out a few feet away, "ok, you may leave then Dr. Wilson, we'll be in touch."

* * *

A/N Ok everybody, you have to review, how am I supposed to know what to improve if nobody tells me? 


End file.
